I’ve been threatening to review some Christmas horrors for a few years and now is the time. Given horrors obsession with holiday themes it’s not a huge surprise to learn there are an awful lot of Christmas horror films. It’s probably even a less of a surprise that most of them are also awful. There are a few diamonds in the rough, the question is can I find them? Actually I’m not sure I’m even looking for them, but if I can find some entertaining enough to recommend we’ll call that a win!

Santa’s Slay (2005)

First up is “Santa’s Slay” from 2005. Written and directed by David Steiman, a long time assistant to Brett Ratner. Currently this is Steiman’s only feature. This features Bill Goldberg as the demonic Santa (Son of Satan) with Douglas Smith playing hero and Emilie de Ravin (Claire from “Lost”) and Robert Culp in support. There’s a few cameos too including Saul Rubinek, Rebecca Gayheart, Fran Drescher and Tom “Tiny” Lister Jr. Not the biggest stars, but bigger than I expected for this movie anyway!

Nicholas Yuleson Smith(Smith) lives with his grandfather (Culp), a crackpot inventor, who has a dislike of Christmas. After discovering his grandfather has built a bunker in the basement he enquires why he hates Christmas so much and learns that Santa Claus is actually the son of Satan. Santa was tricked into being good for 1000 years, but that ends tonight. As far fetched as that sounds, it turns out to be true as Santa (Goldberg) arrives in town to cause havoc. It’s down to Nicholas, his grandfather and girlfriend Mary (de Ravin) to stop him… somehow.

Top Bill-ing

So the main negative here is that Bill Goldberg would struggle to act his way out of a paper bag. Turns out not all wrestlers are cut out for acting. Fortunately for a good portion of the film Bill isn’t given much he can mess up, with minimal dialogue. What Goldberg can do is beat people up, so that part is fine and the gratuitous Christmas violence is pretty amusing. It also helps that he has a solid supporting cast around him (Mostly recognizable TV actors). Suffice to say the film doesn’t take itself too seriously and for a while it is pretty funny.

Where it falls apart is in the final act when it tries to find itself a conclusion and it starts asking a bit too much from the former WCW champion. The truth is the premise is starting to wear out it’s appeal at that point (Not to mention all the upbeat “Fun” Christmas songs). While Douglas Smith and Emily De Raven are decent actors (TV actors at least), I’m not sure they got quite enough direction here because they didn’t impress. The actual ending feels about as anticlimactic as possible. With Santa “dealt” with by an a previously unseen character and then an awkward non-ending.

Who’s Next?

There actually was potential here for a fun B-Movie here, but the movie ends up trying to do more than was needed and ends up falling over itself. With a run time of only one hour and fourteen minutes, it made no sense to try and throw so many minor characters into the story. The movie either needed to have a lot of that stripped away and left to focus on the three leads or they needed a bit more to that run time so that the peripheral characters can feel like an actual part of the story. They also needed, frankly, a better actor playing Santa. Sorry Bill, this gig is not for you. This is a 5/10, but that is me being generous (Must be the Christmas spirit).

Christmas Evil (1980)

The second film of the Christmas horror triple bill is the 1980 horror “Christmas Evil”. This is from writer/director Lewis Jackson. If you don’t know the name that’s not a surprise since he only made three movies. This is his only movie that has enough votes to warrant an IMdB score. The movie was actually recommended to me by a friend, otherwise I would likely not even know it existed. Brandon Maggart stars as “Harry Stadling” as a mentally ill man with an obsession with Santa Claus. Jeffrey DeMunn and Dianne Hull provide support. Another reason I may have missed this movie is it is one of the famous “Video nasties” that was banned (And confiscated) in the UK . The movie was eventually re-released and legalized in 2012.

The story follows the day to day life of Harry Stadling. A developmentally challenged child, traumatized by seeing his father, dressed as Santa, having sex with his mother. Thirty three years later, he works in a low level desk job at the “Jolly Dreams” toy factory. The factory workers consider him a schmuck, mock him and take advantage of him. In his spare time, Harry watches the neighbourhood children and makes notes on who has been good or bad. As Christmas draws near Harry’s mental state is on the edge and after informing his brother that he won’t be visiting his family for Christmas this year, he goes on a spree of killing and good will. Giving children presents while taking revenge on those he considers to have done wrong (Including his co-workers).

The Naughty List

Despite its reputation as a video nasty, this is a 70’s style horror. It has more in common with the first Halloween film than Friday the 13th. It is a slow burn at the start but then becomes somewhat suddenly and brutally violent. By the standard of modern gore fests it is mild, it just feels more shocking because of the build. Harry has spent a lot of time preparing for this day. What we are watching for most of the film is a spree killer in the hours before engaging in the spree. This is something you rarely see in slashers. Indeed it’s rare to follow the killers perspective at all, except in biopics of real life killers. This is a refreshing change, but it’s also very well done. You sympathize somewhat with the character, but at the same time you have no doubt that he is unhinged.

When the killings start, the movie provides contrasting moments of kindness and joy between the killings. We also see Harry’s grip on reality gradually slip. The movie offers social commentary and humour along with a number of impressive visuals. The budget of $850k was about average (Maybe slightly above) for a horror film in the 1980’s. Considering that, it’s not mind blowing what they achieved, but it’s still more than I expected of a 1980’s video nasty Christmas horror. Brandon Maggart does a great job and the support are all reasonable. Last but not least, the ending was a nice touch (But no spoilers).

To All A Good Night

Overall, this is an impressive little cult movie. Nothing groundbreaking as such, but well made, entertaining and worth a watch. It’s a shame Lewis Jackson seems to have stopped making movies after this release. If you are into edgy horror that has a bit of a psychological build to it (Basically 70’s horror), you will undoubtedly enjoy this. If not, you may still find it’s endearing quirkiness mildly amusing. You’ll only be disappointed if you read too much into it’s ban in the UK. Very few of the banned movies were actually that horrific. Anyway, for me this a 6.5/10 and a recommendation.

A Christmas Horror Story (2015)

For the last story filled with Christmas fear, I’m reviewing “A Christmas Horror Story” from 2015. This is an anthology horror, but unlike most the stories play out simultaneously. Despite this, as is often the case with anthologies we have multiple writers and directors. Steve Hoban came up with the original idea and is joined in the chair by Brett Sulivan and Grant Harvey. The three have worked together several times, specifically for the Ginger Snaps trilogy. It is worth noting mind that none of them directed the original (And in my view only good one). Still, their CV’s include a lot of good work and they clearly love the genre. With four stories on the table and a linking radio segment (With William Shatner as the DJ), there is quite a large cast. Top billing is given to Shatner, George Buza (As Santa) and Rob Archer (As Krampus).

Since there are three stories I’ll keep the synopsis brief. Santa is having problems in the North Pole with some zombie elves. A family visit their creepy rich aunt, only for their son to break a figure of Krampus and the family to be thrown out by their Aunt. It seems they may have unleashed a great evil. A group of students break into their school to do video documentary on the ritualistic killings that happened their the previous years only to get locked in schools basement. Finally the cop that discovered those dead students the previous year takes his son and wife to some private land to help themselves to a Christmas tree. While there, their son disappears only to reemerge from a tree, but is it still their son?

Mixed Bag: Coal and Presents

First up, I want to say I enjoyed the intro for the movie. Definitely sets things up well. As we get into the story it’s a bit more of a mixed bag. Normally with an anthology horror you have highs and lows, stand outs and also-rans. However, when they are all mixed together like this it becomes a lot harder to get a sense of the quality of the individual stories. That protects the weaker ones somewhat but also limits the strong ones. On the positive, it makes what are always relatively short horror stories feel more substantial. The negative is it is hard to really invest in any of them. I think ultimately I prefer when the stories are more separate.

It wouldn’t be so much of an issue if the stories actually intertwined, but they don’t. Sure the cop in the changeling story was the one that discovered the victims in the school the previous year, but that is only seen in a video recording and has no impact on his actual story. He is meant to be traumatized by it, but it’s not like we ever see that. It was a missed opportunity to use his story as a means to get context on the other. Meanwhile the Santa story only really intertwines with the Radio DJ’s brief contributions (Admittedly in a clever way) and the final part is entirely isolated. Early they tease that one crossing over with Santa, but that doesn’t happen.

Trees, Santa, Krampus And The Virgin Birth

Looking at the stories individually and they are actually pretty solid. The school story is easily the weakest and you basically know where it is going to go right away. The changeling story is the best outright horror entry, while the Santa story is the most fun and provides the best twist. The Krampus story meanwhile provides a good monster story and has a little twist of its own. Krampus looks pretty good, though I’ve seen scarier versions (Such as the ones I’ve been generating with AI recently). The movie has some solid visuals in all sections and the music is used well. William Shatner doesn’t have a great deal to do, but his role in linking the stories is vital and he is charming and mildly amusing while not hamming things up and taking you out of it.

So overall, I think this is a recommendation. Mixing the stories up didn’t really help it and they don’t intertwine particularly well. However, none of the stories are bad, they all have Christmas themes and two are actually very entertaining. The Krampus story felt like there wasn’t enough to it, while the haunted school was a bit too generic. The changeling and the zombies elves though were excellent. The movie kept me entertained throughout and I think that just about earns it a 6.0/10.

Merry Christmas

So that’s a wrap. Three movies, two recommendations for all horror fans and one for wrestling fans, just because it’s amusing to watch Bill Goldberg as a psychotic Santa. I have to admit, that’s a lot better than I expected when I decided to review Christmas themed horrors! So, the question is should I do this again next year? Well, maybe if you are nice…. Or possibly naughty. Not sure how that should work!